Wednesday, February 6, 2008
When my mother died, I was torn between resignation and nothingness. I know completely that it was the end of the road for my mother. I know she was better off passing away to end her calvary. Nothingness haunts me because I dreamed that I will be beside her when she gets older. After giving me away to her nurse aunt Cristina when I was seven years old, I desperately needed to be with her some time even in my mid adult years. God, how empty this makes me feel.
My stepfather was the cause of all her sufferings. She worked from daybreak to sundusk to feed the family and send children to school while the irresponsible man all that he needed was a bottle of liquor. Tired for the whole day's labor - sending the children to school, doing laundry of Rocha's family, marketing and cooking lunch, ironing the clean clothes, marketing and cooking dinner - a drunk bastard would expect his share of a wife's duty even by force and exhibition of violence was dessert for my siblings.
My cousin Pia is so gross with her father for countless mistakes, womenizing among them. However, they were not abandoned. Uncle Pidoy didn't leave them hungry. Mama Tessie didn't go begging from one brother to another. But I cannot meddle now. Pia is outside the country. She has made up her mind to treat her father cruelly, sending him out of their home. "Give my mother her peace."
Just allow me few words. I didn't get to know my own father. Until the last breath, I would wish to see him. You have your father who is slowly bowing out. The severity of his offenses can still be considered if you have a humble heart. All is needed in this scene is forgiveness.